South Park on Facebook
by TimelessMystery
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the South Park residents post on Facebook?
1. Chapter 1

**Stanley Marsh** changed his relationship status to single.

_Kyle Broflovski and Kenneth McCormick like this _

**Kenneth McCormick** Raisins?

_Stanley Marsh likes this comment _

xx

**Sheila Broflovski** likes UPS Men

_Gerald Broflovski likes this_

xx

**Wendy Testaburger** changed her relationship status to In a Relationship with **Token Black**

**Eric Cartman** You're such a hoe Wendy

**Wendy Testaburger** Shut the fuck up fat ass!

xx

**Carol McCormick** I'm pregnant :)

_Stuart McCormick likes this_

**Kenneth McCormick** Mom, please no.

**Stuart McCormick** You leave the damn toilet plunger alone.

_Kevin McCormick likes this comment_

xx

**Kyle Broflovski** invited **Stanley Marsh** to play Farmville

**Stanley Marsh** I already told you. I'm not playing Farmville.

**Kyle Broflovski** Please just water my crops?

**Stanley Marsh** No.

**Kyle Broflovski** Please?

**Stanley Marsh** No.

xx

**Karen McCormick** So glad I got to hang out with **Ruby Tucker** today!

_Ruby Tucker likes this_

xx

**Craig Tucker** If **Kyle Broflovski** stopped sending me game requests, I would be soooo happy.

_Clyde Donovan and Stanley Marsh like this_

xx

**Henrietta Biggle** Hanging out with **Michael**, **Pete**, and **Firkle** at Benny's.

_Mike Makowski likes this_

**Henrietta Biggle** Go away Mike you fucking poser.

xx

**Ike Broflovski** joined Facebook

**Sheila Broflovski** Isaac, aren't you too young to have a Facebook page?

**Kyle Broflovski** He did have sex with his teacher when he was in Kindergarten

**Sheila Broflovski** What what what?!

xx

**Randall Marsh** likes Marijuana

**Stanley Marsh** Dad, just stop

xx

**Eric Cartman** Would just like to remind everyone that **Kyle** is a dirty Jew rat that will lie and take all your money.

**Kyle Broflovski** Fuck off fat ass.

_Stanley Marsh and Kenneth McCormick like this comment_

xx

**Stanley Marsh** – **Kyle Broflovski**

Do you think I can come over for dinner?

**Kyle Broflovski** – **Stanley Marsh**

Why?

**Stanley Marsh** – **Kyle Broflovski**

My dad is 'cooking' again.

**Sheila Broflovski** You're more than welcome to come over any time, **Stanley**.

**Stanley Marsh** Thank you Mrs. Broflovski :D

xx

**Randall Marsh** – **Sharon Marsh**

Why did you block all the cooking channels, Sharon?

**Sharon Marsh** – **Randall Marsh**

I think you know why, Randy.

_Stanley Marsh likes this_

xx

**Clyde Donovan** changed his relationship status to In a Relationship with **Bebe Stevens**

_Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, and Token Black like this_

**Wendy Testaburger** Double date?

_Bebe Stevens likes this comment_

xx

**Phillip Pirrup** is now friends with **Stanley Marsh**, **Kyle Broflovski**, and _5 others_.

xx

**Stanley Marsh** – **Phillip Pirrup**

Your name is Phillip?

**Phillip Pirrup** – **Stanley Marsh**

Yes, why?

**Stanley Marsh** – **Phillip Pirrup**

Just asking, don't be a Melvin.

**Leopold Stotch** Oh no! Bosley's mad!

_Phillip Pirrup likes this comment_

**Stanley Marsh** Butters, Pip; I hate you both.

_Kyle Broflovski likes this comment_

xx

**Eric Cartman** – **Kenneth McCormick**

Oh my god Kenny, you're so poor.

**Kenneth McCormick** So? That's like saying the sky is blue or that your mom is a whore.

_Kyle Broflovski and Stanley Marsh like this comment._

**Eric Cartman** Fuck you Kenny.

**Kenneth McCormick** I'm sure you'd much rather fuck **Kyle**.

**Kyle Broflovski** Ew dude that's sick.

**Eric Cartman** Screw you guys, I'm going home!

**Kyle Broflovski** Aren't you already there?

_Stanley Marsh and Kenneth McCormick like this comment_

**Eric Cartman** Fuck off you stupid Jew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Tweek Tweak** likes Coffee

**Craig Tucker** Why am I not surprised?

xx

**Leopold Stotch** likes Kim Kardashian

**Wendy Testaburger** What did I tell you Butters?

**Leopold Stotch** You're just a hater Wendy!

xx

**Craig Tucker** changed his cover photo

**Token Black** Nice family picture, I like how you and Ruby are flipping the camera off.

_Craig Tucker likes this comment_

**Clyde Donovan** #TuckerProblems

_Craig Tucker and Ruby Tucker like this comment_

xx

**Kenneth McCormick** Does anyone have a cat I could borrow?

**Stanley Marsh** Not this again…

**Kyle Broflovski** Seriously don't do it Kenny.

**Kenneth McCormick** I don't want to cheese. Karen is sick and I wanted to cheer her up.

**Eric Cartman** It's not our fault that you're too poor to afford you own cat.

**Kenneth McCormick** Fuck off.

xx

**Craig Tucker** likes Stripe Tucker

**Kenneth McCormick** Did you seriously make a fucking fan page for your guinea pig?!

**Craig Tucker** t(-_-)t

_Ruby Tucker likes this comment_

**Leopold Stotch** I think it's real sweet how much Craig loves Stripe.

**Craig Tucker** Stripe is better than people

**Craig Tucker** Stripe is better than EVERYTHING

**Kenneth McCormick** Okay then.

xx

**Kyle Broflovski** - **Stanley Marsh**

Can you please water my crops on Farmville?

**Stanley Marsh** - **Kyle Broflovski**

No.

**Kyle Broflovski** - **Stanley Marsh**

Please Stan, they're dying!

**Stanley Marsh** - **Kyle Broflovski**

Good.

xx

**Wendy Testaburger** Always stand up for what you believe in.

_Token Black, Bebe Stevens, and Leopold Stotch like this_

**Eric Cartman** Boo! Boo Wendy! Boo Wendy Testaburger!

**Wendy Testaburger** Go to hell.

**Eric Cartman** I'm sure it's a lot better than reading your stupid, hippie statuses.

**Wendy Testaburger** If you don't like it then UNFRIEND me!

_Token Black likes this comment_

xx

**Bradley Biggle** My sister accidentally locked me out of the house and the spare key is missing. Can I stay over someone's house till my mom comes home?

**Stanley Marsh** How do you accidentally lock someone out of the house?

**Henrietta Biggle** Yeah. It was an 'accident'

**Bradley Biggle** What do you mean?

**Henrietta Biggle** Don't worry about it.

xx

**Ruby Tucker** likes Justin Bieber

_Karen McCormick likes this_

**Craig Tucker** I'm so ashamed to call you my sister.

**Ruby Tucker** t(-_-t)

**Craig Tucker** t(-_-)t

**Ruby Tucker** t(-_-t)

**Craig Tucker** t(-_-)t

**Ruby Tucker** t(-_-t)

**Tweek Tweak** GAH! I think Ruby wins this one, Craig.

_Ruby Tucker likes this comment_

**Craig Tucker** Hey **Tweek** guess what?

**Tweek Tweak** What?

**Craig Tucker** t(-_-)t

_Ruby Tucker likes this comment_

**Ruby Tucker** HAHAHAHA!

xx

**Karen McCormick** changed her relationship status to In a Relationship with **Ike Broflovski**

_Ruby Tucker likes this_

**Kenneth McCormick** KAREN! This better not be true. I'm not letting this happen. Nuh uh. You're a baby, you're too young for boys!

xx

**Karen McCormick** changed her relationship status to Single

_Kenneth McCormick likes this_

**Kenneth McCormick** Good, that's more like it. I'm glad I was able to talk some sense into you.

**Karen McCormick** You didn't. **Ruby** hacked my Facebook and changed my relationship status as a prank.

_Ruby Tucker likes this comment_

**Kenneth McCormick** Oh, okay. Carry on then.

xx

**Stanley Marsh** I am a stupid turd.

_Shelly Marsh likes this_

**Kyle Broflovski** Are you okay, Stan?

**Shelly Marsh** He's just admitting who he really is.

**Kyle Broflovski** Okay?

**Sharon Marsh** Shelly, give your brother his phone back.

_Kyle Broflovski likes this comment_

xx

**Clyde Donovan** tagged **Craig Tucker** and **Token Black** in his profile picture

**Ruby Tucker** Aw how cute! Craigy is smiling!

_Token Black, Clyde Donovan, and Tweek Tweak like this comment_

**Craig Tucker** Go to hell, Ruby. Why are you even friends with her, **Clyde**?

**Token Black** Because he totally wants to get with your little sister.

**Craig Tucker** Over my dead body! **Clyde** get your stupid ass online!

**Clyde Donovan** Because she added me? And I'm dating Bebe.

**Ruby Tucker** So do this mean you're not getting me anything for our anniversary?

**Clyde Donovan** Sorry Ruby, your big brother doesn't approve of our love.

_Ruby Tucker and Token Black like this comment_

**Craig Tucker** Clyde, I will fucking end you!

**Tweek Tweak** Relax, Craig! GAH! They're just joking!

_Token Black, Ruby Tucker, and Clyde Donovan like this comment_

**Craig Tucker** They better be.

**Clyde Donovan** Are we? ;) You're so cute when you're overprotective, Craigy! xD

**Craig Tucker** t(-_-t)

**Bebe Stevens** They are definitely joking.

_Craig Tucker likes this comment_


	3. Chapter 3

**Liane Cartman** Nothing ruins hump day more than not getting humped.

_Sharon Marsh, Kenneth McCormick, Sheila Broflovski and 25 others like this_

**Eric Cartman** Mom!

**Kenneth McCormick** LOL

xx

**Bebe Stevens** is at Harbucks with **Token Black**, **Tweek Tweak**, **Clyde Donovan**, and **Craig Tucker**

**Wendy Testaburger** Sorry I couldn't come!

_Token Black likes this comment_

**Bebe Stevens** It's okay! Have fun at your student council meeting.

xx

**Clyde Donovan 2.0** is now friends with **Ruby Tucker**, **Token Black**, **Craig Tucker** and _15 others_

**Bebe Stevens** Why did you make a second Facebook page?

**Clyde Donovan** You'll see!

**Token Black** I'm kind of scared…

**Clyde Donovan** ;)

xx

**Clyde Donovan 2.0** is now In a Relationship with **Ruby Tucker**

**Bebe Stevens** What the fuck?!

**Craig Tucker** Nope. Not happening. Not now, not ever. Nope, not until I'm dead. And even then it's still not happening.

**Clyde Donovan 2.0** You can't deny our love!

**Token Black** I think this is taking the joke too far…

xx

**Clyde Donovan 2.0** changed his relationship status to single

_Craig Tucker likes this_

**Craig Tucker** Good.

**Clyde Donovan** You didn't have to punch me in the fucking face! That hurt! Don't you want me as your brother in law?

**Craig Tucker** Oh God no! Stay away from Ruby!

**Clyde Donovan** Relax. You need to learn how to take a joke.

**Bebe Stevens** Why are you arguing on Facebook when you're SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER?!

**Clyde Donovan** …..that's irrelevant

xx

**Stanley Marsh** has started playing Farmville

_Kyle Broflovski likes this_

**Kenneth McCormick** Stan?! Is this the apocalypse? Are you okay dude? Do I need to send help?

**Stanley Marsh** I was wondering where my laptop was...turns out I left it at Kyle's house.

**Kyle Broflovski** Farmville is fun! And I needed someone to water my crops.

**Stanley Marsh** That someone will not be me.

**Eric Cartman** Aw are the super best fags fighting?

**Kyle Broflovski** Shut the fuck up fat ass!

xx

**Mike Makowski** Just letting everyone know that the Twilight viewing party at my house starts at 7!

**Henrietta Biggle** I hate you so much you don't even understand.

xx

**Ike Broflovski** is at Harbucks with **Karen McCormick** and **Ruby Tucker**

_Ruby Tucker and Karen McCormick like this_

**Kenneth McCormick** You're not dating my sister, are you?

**Karen McCormick** Leave him alone, Kenny!

**Kyle Broflovski** It's okay if you guys are dating Ike, I won't let him hurt you.

**Kenneth McCormick** Whose side are you on?

**Ike Broflovski** We're not dating.

_Karen McCormick likes this comment_

xx

**Bebe Stevens** tagged **Clyde Donovan** in her profile picture

_Wendy Testaburger, Clyde Donovan, and Token Black like this_

**Wendy Testaburger** You guys are so cute together!

_Bebe Stevens likes this comment_

xx

**Kyle Broflovski** - **Stanley Marsh**

Hey Stan?

**Stanley Marsh** - **Kyle Broflovski**

Yeah?

**Kyle Broflovski** - **Stanley Marsh**

You're my best friend, right?

**Stanley Marsh - Kyle Broflovski **

Yeah, why?

**Kyle Broflovski - Stanley Marsh**

I know you don't like Farmville, but was wondering if you would play Frontierville.

**Stanley Marsh - Kyle Broflovski **

Aren't they the same thing?

**Kyle Broflovski - Stanley Marsh **

No! They are so different! Will you please play?

**Stanley Marsh - Kyle Broflovski **

Nope.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note: There were a few characters who did not have a first name (Mrs. Tucker) or did not have a last name (Pete, Michael, Firkle ) So I gave them one, I hope you guys don't mind too much. Thanks for reading this, I'm so glad you guys like it!**_

xx

**Kevin Stoley** is now friends with **Stanley Marsh**, **Craig Tucker**, **Kyle Broflovski**, and _23 others_

**Leopold Stotch** Welcome to Facebook buddy!

_Kevin Stoley likes this comment_

xx

**Maureen Tucker** - **Craig Tucker**

Craig Thomas Tucker! I just got a call from the school and you're not answering your phone. Why are you getting in fights at school, young man? I thought we had been over this.

_Ruby Tucker likes this_

**Craig Tucker** - **Maureen Tucker**

Mom it was just Clyde and he totally deserved it.

**Clyde Donovan** Did not!

**Craig Tucker** Go away Clyde, nobody wants you here.

**Clyde Donovan** I hate you Craig :'(

xx

**Pete Klein** - **Mike Makowski**

Stop following us, it's getting really creepy.

**Mike Makowski** - **Pete Klein**

I'm not following you.

**Michael Butler** Yeah, you are following us.

_Pete Klein, Henrietta Biggle, and Firkle Sawyer like this comment _

**Mike Makowski** You can't prove anything!

xx

**Kyle Broflovski** has invited **Stanley Marsh** to play Candy Crush Saga

**Stanley Marsh** Kyle, I know you're my best friend, but I will seriously block you.

**Kyle Broflovski** No you wouldn't. Can't you just play one game with me?

**Stanley Marsh** Try me. Nope.

_xx_

**Kyle Broflovski** has invited **Stanley Marsh** to play SongPop

**Stanley Marsh** Kyle… Alright, that's it.

**Kyle Broflovski** Stan?

_ xx_

**Kyle Broflovski** WTF Stan blocked me on Facebook!

_Kenneth McCormick likes this_

**Kenneth McCormick **You just couldn't resist, could you?

**Kyle Broflovski** Shut up Kenny, it's not funny!

**Kenneth McCormick** Actually it is pretty funny.

**Sharon Marsh** Do you want me to talk to him, Kyle?

**Kyle Broflovski** Yes please, Mrs. Marsh.

**Kenneth McCormick** He's going to be pissed that you got him in trouble.

_xx _

**Token Black** changed his relationship status to single.

**Tweek Tweak** GAH! I'm sorry Token!

**Clyde Donovan** We'll find you a new girlfriend! You're a stud!

_Token Black likes this comment _

**Craig Tucker** That totally doesn't sound gay Clyde.

**Clyde Donovan** SHUT UP CRAIG! STOP BEING MEAN!

**Craig Tucker** t(-_-t)

_xx _

**Wendy Testaburger** changed her relationship status to in a relationship with **Stanley Marsh**

**Bebe Stevens** Why am I not surprised?

**Wendy Testaburger** Can't you just be happy for me?

**Kyle Broflovski** Dislike.

**Kenneth McCormick** Don't listen to Kyle, he's just mad that Stan's not talking to him.

**Eric Cartman** Or he's gay for Stan and is pissed he's not getting any up the butt.

**Kyle Broflovski** SHUT UP FAT ASS!

_xx _

**Wendy Testaburger** tagged **Stanley Marsh** in her profile picture

_Stanley Marsh likes this_

**Eric Cartman** Do you really have to post nasty pictures of you two hippies kissing? It's fucking nasty.

**Wendy Testaburger** Nobody asked you!

**Kyle Broflovski** Dislike.

**Kenneth McCormick** Dude, this isn't going to make Stan talk to you.

_xx_

**Ike Broflovski** - **Stanley Marsh**

Will you please talk to my brother? He's pouting around the house and being a jerk to everyone.

**Stanley Marsh** I told him not to send me anymore game requests.

**Ike Broflovski** Please Stan. Take one for the team!

**Stanley Marsh** Sorry, Ike.

_xx_

**Kevin Stoley** Does anyone want to go to the Star Trek convention with me?

**Eric Cartman** Nobody wants to go to the Star Trek convention with you because it's stupid and for losers.

**Wendy Testaburger** Would it kill you to not be such an asshole? I'm sorry Kevin, I hope you find someone to go with you.

**Kevin Stoley** Thanks Wendy!

**Leopold Stotch** I'd go with you if I wasn't grounded, even though I don't really like Star Trek!

**Kevin Stoley** ...thanks Butters….

_xx _

**Stephen Stotch** - **Leopold Stotch**

Why do I see you online? You're supposed to be grounded mister! You kept your phone in case of an emergency, but as soon as you get home it's gone! One more mess up and you won't be allowed to go to school!

**Leopold Stotch** I'm sorry dad! I promise it won't happen again!

**Linda Stotch** Did you not listen to your father? You're grounded for two more weeks!

**Leopold Stotch** Oh hamburgers!


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: I gave Lola, Nichole, and Red a last name, because they did not have one. Thank you for all your support. Also, I would like to say that due to being harassed by members of a group called Eliminator because my story 'violates site rules', I have begun also posting this story on ArchiveOfOurOwn (link on my profile) in case this story gets taken down for some reason. I will keep updating it here, but if for some reason it randomly goes missing, you know where to find it.  
**_

_**xx**_

**Stanley Marsh** is at Harbucks with **Wendy Testaburger**

_Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, and Kenneth McCormick like this_

**Bebe Stevens** You guys are so cute together!

_Wendy Testaburger and Stanley Marsh like this comment_

xx

**Kenneth McCormick** if **Kyle Broflovski** doesn't stop bitching about **Stanley Marsh** I am going to lose my shit.

**Kyle Broflovski** It's not my fault he blocked me!

**Kenneth McCormick** You kept sending him game requests after he asked you to stop.

**Eric Cartman** If it gets anymore gay in here I'm going to kill myself.

**Kenneth McCormick** Do it. I dare you.

_Stanley Marsh likes this comment_

**Eric Cartman** HEY! Screw you Kenny!

**Kyle Broflovski** Stan?

xx

**Mr. Hanky** - **Kyle Broflovski**

Howdy ho, Kyle!

**Kyle Broflovski** - **Mr. Hanky**

Hi.

**Mr. Hanky** - **Kyle Broflovski**

You sound sad, Kyle! What's wrong?

**Eric Cartman** His boyfriend isn't talking to him so he's had sand in his vagina.

**Kyle Broflovski** FUCK OFF FAT ASS!

**Mr. Hanky** Cheer up, Kyle!

**Kyle Broflovski** ….thanks…

xx

**Herbert Garrison** is now friends with **Mr. Hat**

**Herbert Garrison** - **Mr. Hat**

How have you been, Mr. Hat?

**Herbert Garrison** Mr. Hat?

**Herbert Garrison** Mr. Hat?

**Herbert Garrison** Mr. Hat I know you can talk!

**Herbert Garrison** Please Mr. Hat. :(

**Herbert Garrison** I miss you Mr. Hat.

xx

**Kyle Broflovski** has invited **Kenneth McCormick** to play Booty Quest

**Kenneth McCormick** is now playing Booty Quest

**Stanley Marsh** - **Kenneth McCormick**

Kyle got to you too?

**Kenneth McCormick** I was mislead. The game was nothing like I expected.

**Stanley Marsh** Wrong kind of booty?

**Kenneth McCormick** Yep. It was just like Candy Crush, except with gems. I'm so disappointed.

_Stanley Marsh likes this comment_

xx

**Kevin Stoley** is now in a relationship with **Lola Jacobs**

**Wendy Testaburger** When did this happen?

**Lola Jacobs** Earlier today at the Star Trek convention.

**Wendy Testaburger** You blew off cheer practice to go to the Star Trek convention?!

**Lola Jacobs** Don't judge me.

_Kevin Stoley likes this comment_

xx

**Eric Cartman** Remember the time that Clyde started crying in class? Oh wait, that's every day because **Clyde Donovan** is a crybaby.

**Craig Tucker** Leave Clyde alone! At least he's not 300 pounds like you are.

_Clyde Donovan likes this comment_

**Kenneth McCormick** I thought you guys were fighting?

**Craig Tucker** No, we're not. It's just fun to mess with Clyde.

**Clyde Donovan** Hey! :'(

**Eric Cartman** HAH! Cry baby!

**Craig Tucker** Fuck off, Cartman.

_Clyde Donovan likes this comment_

xx

**Stanley Marsh** changed his profile picture

**Wendy Testaburger** Aw! You're so cute! xD

_Stanley Marsh likes this comment_

**Randall Marsh** Stan?

**Stanley Marsh** Ugh what dad?

**Randall Marsh** What does 'xD' mean?

**Stanley Marsh** It's a laughing face.

**Randall Marsh** Why don't you use LOL like a normal person?

**Stanley Marsh** God dammit, normal people do type 'xD'

**Randall Marsh** Oh.

xx

**Randall Marsh** My son **Stanley Marsh** needs to take the trash out xD

**Stanley Marsh** Why are you posting this on Facebook? I'll do it later.

**Randall Marsh** No, you'll do it now! xD

**Stanley Marsh** Ugh stop saying 'xD'

**Randall Marsh** But I'm a cool dad xD

**Stanley Marsh** Yeah whatever.

**Randall Marsh** xD

xx

**Tweek Tweak** GAH! This is too much pressure!

**Craig Tucker** What's too much pressure?

**Tweek Tweak** Trying to come up with a Facebook status!

**Craig Tucker** Let me see your phone?

**Tweek Tweak** Okay?

xx

**Tweek Tweak** My name is Tweek Tweak and I keep my underwear in a box under my bed so the Underpants Gnomes can't find them.

_Craig Tucker likes this_

**Tweek Tweak** AH! What'd you do that for?! Now they're going to know where my underpants are and steal all of them!

**Craig Tucker** Dude, calm down.

**Tweek Tweak** I'm not going to have any underpants left!

**Craig Tucker** Relax. Nobody is going to steal your underwear.

**Tweek Tweak** You don't know that!

xx

**Token Black** is now friends with **Nichole Howard**

_Eric Cartman likes this_

**Eric Cartman** You guys should totally get back together!

**Token Black** Go fuck yourself.

xx

**Wendy Testaburger** is at the mall with **Heidi Turner**, **Red Carter**, and **Bebe Stevens**

_Bebe Stevens, Red Carter, and Heidi Turner like this_

**Heidi Turner** We're going to have so much fun!

_Wendy Testaburger likes this comment_


	6. Chapter 6

**Tweek Tweak** changed his name to **Twerk Tweak**

**Twerk Tweak** - **Craig Tucker**

See? I told you the gnomes would take my underpants! Now they've hacked my Facebook!

**Craig Tucker** Or someone hacked it and changed your name.

**Twerk Tweak** It was probably the gnomes!

**Craig Tucker** Or it was **Clyde**

**Clyde Donovan** HEY! You said you wouldn't rat me out!

**Craig Tucker** He's about to freak out, dude.

xx

**Kenneth McCormick** has changed his name to **Kenny McCordick**

**Twerk Tweak** AH! Did someone hack you too?

**Kenny McCordick** No, I just like my new name.

**Kyle Broflovski** God dammit, Kenny.

_Kenny McCordick likes this comment_

**Kenny McCordick** Don't be jealous, Kyle!

xx

**Stanley Marsh** is now friends with **Kyle Broflovski**

_Kenny McCordick and Ike Broflovski like this_

**Kyle Broflovski** - **Stanley Marsh**

Thanks for adding me again, Stan! :D

**Stanley Marsh** But I didn't?

**Kyle Broflovski** :(

**Kenny McCordick** Heh. ;)

**Stanley Marsh** What did you do?

**Kenny McCordick** I was tired of listening to him bitch.

**Stanley Marsh** I'm tired of getting game requests!

**Ike Broflovski** Finally!

_Kenny McCordick likes this comment_

xx

**Stanley Marsh** Did anyone see what happened in the cafeteria? Dude, I think the lunch lady killed Kenny!

**Kyle Broflovski** Wow, what a bastard.

xx

**Carol McCormick** I just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! His name is Kenny :)

_Stuart McCormick likes this_

xx

**Kyle Broflovski** is now playing Castleville

**Kenny McCordick** Do you seriously need to play anymore games?

**Kyle Broflovski** They're really fun, Kenny!

**Kenny McCordick** Yeah. Sure.

_Stanley Marsh likes this comment_

xx

**Twerk Tweak** has changed his name to **Tweek Tweak**

**Clyde Donovan** Aw! I liked your other name a lot better! :(

**Tweek Tweak** Yeah, because you changed it!

**Clyde Donovan** So? I think it would be pretty badass if your name was 'Twerk'.

**Craig Tucker** Well nobody asked for your opinion, Clyde.

**Token Black** Will you guys shut up for once and stop fighting?

_Tweek Tweak likes this comment_

**Clyde Donovan** Tell that to Craig :P

**Craig Tucker** I'm not trying to fight. I'm joking and he takes it too personally.

**Clyde Donovan** I do not!

**Token Black** You do tend to take things too personally, dude.

**Clyde Donovan** I hate you guys :( I don't even know why I'm friends with you.

**Craig Tucker** This is exactly what we're talking about.

xx

**Ruby Tucker** - **Karen McCormick**

My mom said that you can sleep over this weekend!

_Karen McCormick likes this_

**Karen McCormick** Yay! What time should I come over?

**Ruby Tucker** Friday after school?

**Karen McCormick** Okay! :D

**Craig Tucker** If you put bows on Stripe again I will literally end you, **Ruby**.

**Ruby Tucker** But he looked so pretty, Craig!

**Craig Tucker** Leave Stripe alone. t(-_-t)

**Ruby Tucker** Whatever.

xx

**Ruby Tucker** uploaded a new photo.

**Ruby Tucker** tagged **Craig Tucker** and **Karen McCormick** in her photo

**Craig Tucker** What did I say about putting bows on Stripe!?

**Ruby Tucker** That he looked pretty and we could do it?

**Craig Tucker** No, that's not what I said!

**Clyde Donovan** Wow. Stripe looks beautiful, Ruby!

**Craig Tucker** Go fuck yourself, Clyde.

**Ruby Tucker** Thank you Clyde!

_Clyde Donovan likes this comment_

**Craig Tucker** I hate both of you.

xx

**Eric Cartman** Words cannot describe how much I hate **Kyle Broflovski**. He is a stupid Jew and I wish he would move away from South Park and never come back.

**Kyle Broflovski** Fuck off, fat ass!

**Eric Cartman** No need to be so aggressive, Kyle.

**Kyle Broflovski** I hope your fat ass chokes on KFC and you die.

**Eric Cartman** Kyle, that's just an awful thing to say.

**Kyle Broflovski** Well you're an awful person.

_Stanley Marsh and Kenny McCordick like this comment_


	7. Chapter 7

**Bebe Stevens** added a new event Bebe's 18th Birthday Party

**Bebe Stevens** added **Wendy Testaburger**, **Token Black**, **Stanley Marsh**, **Heidi Turner** and _40 others to her event_

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**Wendy Testaburger** uploaded 205 new photos to the album Bebe's 18th Birthday Party  
_Bebe Stevens, Heidi Turner, Clyde Donovan, Craig Tucker, Kevin Stoley, Leopold Stotch and 74 others like this_  
**Eric Cartman** HEY! Why wasn't I invited?  
**Wendy Testaburger** Because nobody fucking likes you.  
**Eric Cartman** Fuck off you stupid hippie hoe!  
**Wendy Testaburger** Why don't you fuck off!?  
**Bebe Stevens** Thanks for taking so many pictures, Wendy!  
**Wendy Testaburger** No problem! The party was tons of fun!  
_Bebe Stevens likes this comment_

xx

**Token Black** changed his relationship status to In a Relationship with **Wendy Testaburger**  
_Clyde Donovan, Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, and 5 others like this_  
**Clyde Donovan** Round 4? Let's go baby!  
**Token Black** Glad you're excited Clyde xD  
**Bebe Stevens** Hahaha Clyde's comment is perfect, but congrats!  
**Craig Tucker** Again?! I need to talk to this girl!  
**Wendy Testaburger** Actually, Clyde, it's technically only round two.  
**Kenny McCordick** That was some party.

xx

**Craig Tucker** changed his relationship status to In a Relationship  
_Token Black, Clyde Donovan, Tweek Tweak, and 13 others like this_  
**Thomas Tucker** What?  
**Maureen Tucker** Who?  
**Ruby Tucker** How?

xx

**Stanley Marsh** likes Cheaters are the Worst  
**Kyle Broflovski** I take it that you're never getting back together?  
**Eric Cartman** This is like a bad fucking Taylor Swift song. Stop being a pussy.  
**Kyle Broflovski** Fuck off, Cartman! Are you okay, Stan?  
**Stanley Marsh** ….fine….  
**Kyle Broflovski** It's gonna be okay dude, I promise.  
**Stanley Marsh** ...yeah sure, whatever...

xx

**Liane Cartman** Fun Tip: Instead of just throwing away your used condoms, why don't you try emptying them into your mouth?  
_Chef, Herbert Garrison, Randall Marsh, Gerald Broflovski, and 87 other like this_  
**Eric Cartman** Mom that's fucking disgusting.

xx

**Tweek Tweak** changed his relationship status to In a Relationship  
_Clyde Donovan, Token Black, Craig Tucker, and 15 others like this_  
**Token Black** Wait, who are you dating?  
**Clyde Donovan** Yeah! Who are you dating?!  
**Tweek Tweak** STOP! This is way too much pressure!  
**Craig Tucker** Guys, leave Tweek alone.  
**Clyde Donovan** Tweek, buddy, come on! You HAVE to tell us! :(  
**Clyde Donovan** Please.  
**Clyde Donovan** Please.  
**Clyde Donovan** PLEASEEEEEEEE!  
**Craig Tucker** God fucking dammit, Clyde. Shut the fuck up and go the fuck away.  
**Clyde Donovan** What crawled up your ass? Sheesh.

xx

**Ruby Tucker** - **Craig Tucker**

Craig! Who are you dating?!

**Craig Tucker** That's none of your damn business.  
**Ruby Tucker** But I'm your sister!  
**Craig Tucker** Exactly why it's none of your business.  
**Ruby Tucker** BUT CRAIG!  
**Craig Tucker** Cry me a river.  
**Ruby Tucker** t(-_-t)

xx

**Eric Cartman** - **Kevin Stoley**

I have to ask. Tell me. How is it that a loser like you gets a girl like Lola?

**Lola Jacobs** Because he's not a fat asshole like you?  
_Kevin Stoley likes this comment_  
**Kyle Broflovski** How did you guys get together? I'm really curious.  
**Lola Jacobs** He asked me to go to the Star Trek convention with him because nobody else would. He's actually really sweet.  
**Eric Cartman** Seriously? He must have paid you or something.  
**Lola Jacobs** No. I've talked to him before. We both were on the Homecoming committee. He's really nice. Unlike you who is an asshole.  
**Leopold Stotch** Congrats to you both! I'm really happy for you! :D  
**Kevin Stoley** Thanks Butters.  
**Leopold Stotch** Gee, if I had a girlfriend my parents would ground me.  
**Eric Cartman** Not everyone's parents are psychotic morons like your parents, Butters.  
**Kyle Broflovski** You're one to talk about being psychotic.  
**Eric Cartman** Nobody fucking asked you Kyle.

xx

**Herbert Garrison** is now friends with **Mr. Slave**  
**Eric Cartman** Quick! Someone grab the popcorn! This is going to be interesting.

xx

**Clyde Donovan** - **Tweek Tweak**

I will seriously have **Token** buy you the best coffee beans if you tell us who you're dating.

**Tweek Tweak** GAH! Not on Facebook! Everyone can see!  
**Clyde Donovan** So? People are going to know eventually! Come on Tweek! PLEASEEEEE!  
**Token Black** Can you just tell us so Clyde will shut up about the whole thing?  
**Tweek Tweak** I don't want them to get mad at me!  
**Clyde Donovan** But we're you're best friends Tweek! Come onnnnn! :( I'm going to come to your house and steal your underpants to give them to the gnomes.  
**Craig Tucker** Don't threaten him. It's not going to make him tell you anything. He'll tell you when he's ready.  
**Clyde Donovan** Do you know who he's dating?!  
**Craig Tucker** Yes.  
**Clyde Donovan** That's no fair! Why does Craig get to know but we don't?! :(  
**Craig Tucker** Get over it.  
**Token Black** No offense, but you do kind of have a big mouth, Clyde.  
**Clyde Donovan** No I don't! I didn't tell anyone that you slept with Wendy!  
**Token Black** …...god dammit Clyde. YOU POSTED THAT ON FACEBOOK AND NOW EVERYONE KNOWS!  
**Clyde Donovan** I'M SORRY! I didn't mean it! Token is a virgin! If you put Token in a wheelchair you could call him Virgin Mobile!  
**Token Black** THAT DOESN'T HELP ANYTHING. I hate you Clyde.  
**Clyde Donovan** You know you love me!  
**Token Black** No, not at the moment.  
**Token Black** By the way, Tweek, I think you and the mystery person totally make a good couple.  
**Clyde Donovan** Wait how do you know who he's dating? He told you?!  
**Token Black** Yep, he private messaged me :)  
**Clyde Donovan** THAT'S NOT FAIR! **Tweek** WHO ARE YOU DATING?!  
**Clyde Donovan** Tweek!  
**Clyde Donovan** T  
**Clyde Donovan** W  
**Clyde Donovan** E  
**Clyde Donovan** E  
**Clyde Donovan** K  
**Clyde Donovan** Twerk.  
**Clyde Donovan** Twerk Tweak.  
**Clyde Donovan** Tweek Twerk.  
**Clyde Donovan** TWEEK!  
**Craig Tucker** Will you just shut the fuck up already? Seriously. You're pissing me off.  
_Tweek Tweak likes this comment_  
**Clyde Donovan** I see you Tweek! TELL ME WHO YOU'RE DATING! :( Also, Craig, pull the stick out of your ass.  
**Clyde Donovan** I thought we were friends, Tweek. :(  
**Craig Tucker** Shut up. You're going to give him an anxiety attack.  
**Clyde Donovan** :(


	8. Chapter 8

**Randall Marsh** - **Stanley Marsh**

Stan?

**Stanley Marsh** Ugh. What dad?  
**Randall Marsh** I heard you broke up with Wendy. xD  
**Stanley Marsh** Yeah. Why is that funny?  
**Randall Marsh** It's not! I'm being a cool dad! xD  
**Stanley Marsh** Okay. What do you want?  
**Randall Marsh** I bought a fresh box of condoms for you. They're in your room. xD  
**Stanley Marsh** Dad, no.  
**Sharon Marsh** Randy! Why would you do that?!  
**Randall Marsh** His girlfriend slept with another man! Our son will not be a pussy! He needs to win her back! xD.  
**Kenny McCordick** Can I have the condoms?  
**Stanley Marsh** Yeah whatever.

xx

**Clyde Donovan** - **Tweek Tweak**

I know who you're dating! ;)

**Tweek Tweak** GAH! How do you know?! Who told you?!  
**Clyde Donovan** That's irrelevant. When are you going to be Facebook official?  
**Craig Tucker** Did you hack his Facebook again and read his messages?  
**Clyde Donovan** ….no…  
**Craig Tucker** Bull shit. t(-_-t)  
**Clyde Donovan** Why do you always have to pick his side?  
**Clyde Donovan** Is it because he's your boyfriend, Craig?  
**Craig Tucker** God dammit. Fuck you.  
**Token Black** And this is why we don't tell you things. Because you have a big mouth.  
**Clyde Donovan** I'm sorry! :'(  
**Tweek Tweak** AH! Please don't cry!  
**Clyde Donovan** :'(  
**Clyde Donovan** You guys are mean.

xx

**Craig Tucker** changed his relationship status to In a Relationship with **Tweek Tweak**  
_Clyde Donovan, Token Black, Wendy Testaburger, Ruby Tucker, and 13 others like this_  
**Eric Cartman** Well... I never thought anyone would tap his spazzy ass.  
**Craig Tucker** Fuck off Cartman. t(-_-t)  
**Ruby Tucker** I should have known you were dating the blonde guy.  
**Craig Tucker** t(-_-t)  
**Eric Cartman** Craig Tucker is a faggot. Who would have thought?  
**Ruby Tucker** Leave my brother alone, lard ass! t(-_-t)  
_Craig Tucker likes this comment_

xx

**Leopold Stotch** Today my dad made me organize the cans in the cupboard alphabetically. It was so much fun!  
**Eric Cartman** You're such a fucking loser, Butters.  
**Leopold Stotch** Well gee...that's not very nice, Eric.  
**Eric Cartman** Grow a pair and get over it. Don't be a pussy.  
**Leopold Stotch** Well uh okay...if you say so!

xx

**Randall Marsh** - **Wendy Testaburger**

I hEaRd yOu cHeAtEd On StAnLeY. Is It BeCaUsE hE hAs A sMalL pEnIs? xD

_Eric Cartman and Shelly Marsh likes this_  
**Stanley Marsh** God dammit dad! Why?!  
**Randall Marsh** DoN't WoRrY sOn. I'vE gOt YoUr bAcK.  
**Sharon Marsh** Randy! I'm sorry, Stan. Your father has been drinking.  
**Eric Cartman** What else is new?  
**Shelly Marsh** Shut up you stupid, fat turd!  
**Randall Marsh** I'm A cOoL dAd. I'm NoT lIkE tHe ReGuLaR dAdS. YoU'rE jUsT jElLy. xD  
**Wendy Testaburger** I'm sorry Mr. Marsh, but I'd rather not talk about this on Facebook.  
_Stanley Marsh likes this comment_

xx

**Liane Cartman** What to do if you have a rash 'down there'.  
**Eric Cartman** What the fuck mom?!  
**Liane Cartman** Oops! Sorry sweetie. I meant to Google that.  
**Liane Cartman** Hot, single dads looking to get fucked by hot, single moms.  
**Liane Cartman** What happens if you eat a condom?  
**Liane Cartman** Can you watch porn while having sex?  
**Liane Cartman** Free PDF of Fifty Shades of Gray.  
**Liane Cartman** 50 different sex positions.  
**Liane Cartman** Shower sex vs counter sex.  
**Liane Cartman** Pole dancing lessons in Colorado.  
**Liane Cartman** How much should you charge for casual sex?  
**Eric Cartman** God dammit mom! You are not on Google!  
**Liane Cartman** Sorry honey, it's really hard for me to multi-task! I'll be home soon. Love you snookums!  
**Kenny McCordick** LOL your mom is a whore.  
**Eric Cartman** Fuck you, Kenny, you poor piece of shit.

xx

**Token Black** uploaded a new photo and tagged **Craig Tucker** and **Tweek Tweak**

**Tweek Tweak** GAH! I didn't know you took this picture! Are you stalking us?!  
**Craig Tucker** Token was there with us, remember?  
**Tweek Tweak** Right...sorry Token!  
**Ruby Tucker** Aw look at little Craigy kissing his boyfriend. How cuteeeee! Is that a smile I see?! **Tweek** what have you done with my brother?!  
**Craig Tucker** Go the fuck away, Ruby. Stop harassing Tweek.  
**Ruby Tucker** I'm not trying to harass Tweek. I actually like him.  
**Ruby Tucker** You did good big bro ;)  
**Craig Tucker** Do you live to piss me off? t(-_-t)  
**Ruby Tucker** I'll go away if you give me permission to date Clyde.  
**Craig Tucker** NEVER. Not in a million years.  
**Token Black** I thought we had finally finished using that joke. -_-


End file.
